Even if the child doesn’t feel directly threatened, the notion that their parent isn’t in control of a situation can be anxiety-producing, raising subconscious questions about whether that parent can be depended upon when needed. It can also raise a child’s anxiety because being screamed at by an adult a scary experience that can make them feel unsafe. “Yelling can damage a child's self-esteem, it creates a tense environment in the household, and it's an indicator that the parent has lost control.” “Yelling is a habit people don't necessarily associate with hostile parenting, but it can have long-lasting effects on the child,” Huey says. And when yelling becomes frequent, it’s problematic on multiple levels. Regardless of the reason, there are times when parents shout. Or, even if you’re not annoyed, you may find yourself yelling if your child is in the other room and you need their attention, rather than taking the time to walk over and calmly express yourself. Those frustrations are bound to bubble over sometimes, and you might raise your voice. Parenting means dealing with lots of situations - interruptions in the middle of the night, constant messes, and loud crying and screaming - that lead moms and dads to have short fuses. Here, Huey highlights two of the more subtle signs of hostile parenting - and better alternatives for parent-child interactions. Specifically, kids subject to harsh discipline and other forms of hostility at age 3 were 1.5 times more likely to have high-risk mental health symptoms by the time they turned 9, the study of more than 7,500 Irish children indicated. A recent study from the University of Cambridge and University College Dublin found that young kids exposed to hostile parenting are at significantly greater risk of developing persistent mental health problems.
That’s a problem, because hostile parenting has serious effects on kids’ development.
And you might be more likely to see yourself in these signs than you’d think. Other signs you’re a hostile parent can be much more subtle, especially when it comes to psychological hostility, says Melissa Huey, Ph.D., a psychology professor at the New York Institute of Technology. But hostile parenting is a lot more than just routine physical punishment and punishing kids erratically or unpredictably, or isolating children for long periods of time when they misbehave. No one wants to be described as “hostile” - especially not in terms of their parenting style.
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